23 and counting

So, I'm 23 now. Weird...

I do indeed feel 23. For many years when people ask me if I felt any different when I got a year older, I would say "nah". But this time, I do indeed feel different.
It actually has been a while, not just overnight. For the past month, I did feel different, I felt older, and somewhat more mature. It is weird.

My life really have changed a lot since I came to Gallaudet, and I can say there's a lot for me to do. My life is not all about me like it has been for many years, now I can say my life is all about God and others. With a fraction about me ;)

I have grown to appreciate my family more, and know what amazes me the most? Of everyone that I'm missing back at home, I miss Daddy the most. I miss being his little girl, getting all these tickle fights and getting his undivided attention. I miss being his little princess. I know I'm still his little girl, but I have responsibilities now and I have worries and concerns that I know Daddy can't always come to fix for me. I have come to respect him a lot more than I've ever realized and I look forward to getting home for Christmas break so I can be with Daddy again. I didn't realize it, but looking back a lot on my life growing up, my Daddy had the most impact in my life, his thoughts, action and words is still having a huge influence in my life, both hurtful and encouraging. I forgive him for all the hurtful things he said to me, and I cherish his encouraging words very much. I do wish at times that I would go back being little so he can take care of me for the rest of my life, but.. in time I'll be the one taking care of him and I know it will be my greatest joy to do so.

Daddy, thank you for being my Daddy, I'll always love you!

Your little girl,
K

End of week 7

So.. it's been 7 weeks since I started classes...

I can tell you, it's not easy being here at Gallaudet. The atmosphere is not what I wanted for my college years. Honestly, I am having second thoughts.. but.. I don't know.

I've been out of my room three time (with now being the third time). Beginning with mold problems, then because my roommate was quite sick. Now it's bedbugs. In the past 2 days, I've been on a whirlwind. My moods isn't a help either. I've been up and down for the past week. I'm an outsider here... But that's ok. All of the things I mentioned above is ok. It's what called "life".

Despite all of these things no one would like to experience, but.. Know what? So what. I have Yeshua. He's the One who is seeing me through all of this. He's the One I'm depending on for wisdom, He's the One I cry to, He's the One I share all of my frustrations.

I am not perfect, but that's no excuse for me to do whatever I please. I am a human, and Yeshua KNOWS that, yet, since He called me out of the world to be His, He have higher expectations and standards for me, just like everyone else who has been called out of the world to be His.

I've been reading other Christians' blogs, and to be honest, I would love to experience what they're experiencing, but their experience is theirs' alone. I have my own experiences.

The Lord has something big planned, and no one knows what it is, we can have a general idea, but not the exact idea. Let me tell you... Be prepared. It will change your life. Even mine.

-K

0 = 1?

I MUST ask.

I just HAVE to ask.

I have have to ask all the evolutionists out there

This is the question,

Tell me,

How does 1 come out of 0?

How can nothing become something?

I mean, absolutely nothing becomes something. How? Tell me.

Time is irrelevant. Adding more zeros to the first number will still ask this question:

How can something come from NOTHING?

Ok, I am done now. My question is out there. Answer it if you can.


-K

And here I am

So, here I am.. at Gallaudet.

I've yet to start my classes, let alone register for them. But... I'm here. After years and years of saying I wouldn't be even coming here. (Hahahahahahaha!!!)

It certainly is something new... not too exciting for me, because Gallaudet is a strange place... But I am looking forward to what the Lord has planned for me here!
_____________________

See the line? That was when I tried to compile it last week before classes started.

And now, I'll see if I can finish it... days later.

The class scheduling has been CRAZY and I still need to sign up 1 more class (with teacher's approval for overload...)

Well.. the Lord knows what I will need and He will make a way in HIS time. No matter how frustrating it can get, I choose to trust the Lord, He will give my academic advisor and me wisdom to plan my academic schedule for next few years.

I've met people from C3 (Campus Crusade for Christ), and I've also met people who are interested in going and most likely will be attending. I'm thrilled to see what the Lord has planned.

I've met my roommate, it seems like I'll have fun being friends with her, she's a wonderful girl and I enjoy having conversations with her, discussing things. The Lord knows exactly who I'll work with, and I'm letting the Lord use me to testify her about Jesus, I'm thrilled about that! =D


Well... I'm gonna and try to get all my homework completed.
Good afternoon all!
_\m/
K

The Cost of Growing Up

We all pay it when we leave home.

The cost of the call, the call to go out in the world and grow up.
For some it is easy, for others (like me) it is quite hard.

Throughout the summer, I had time to go back home and visit with my families because I was still close by (by a 5 hours drive...)
Now I won't be able to see them until Christmas break. That's a huge difference from the time when I went to the Deaf School as a kid, I still got to see my family every weekend. But here, as an adult, I have to grow up and lengthen the time between the visits, eventually I won't be able to see them as often as I am used to.

I hate it. Honestly, I hate it very much. I hate it that I'm not with my family. Because now I'm REALLY leaving behind the life I've always known. The only one I've known. Life with my families, both my childhood family and my church family. Now they're a huge part of my life, but they won't be with me (in person) all the way, kind of like on the sidelines. They're still there, but I'm pretty much on my own, facing this tough and very rough world before me. But! Praise the Lord, even though it may seem like I'm facing this new life alone, I am not. Because Yeshua is with me in my every step I take into this world. I know I am not alone and never will be, ever! *deeeeeeep breath* That's the fact I know and the fact I rely on. I am depending on the Lord to help me through this first big part of my life, leaving my families for real.

This is just part 2 of the biggest changes in my life. The first was starting college, now moving very far away to an University. There will be a part 3 to come soon. But I can't say how I will feel because I have yet to feel it. I will be sure to share it whenever I can.

Keep looking here for updates, I know I've been terrible at updating here because my mind is soooo scattered. As long as I'm organzied, I will survive!!!! =)

I also will keep my eyes on Beautiful Yeshua! He is the only one who I can fully and a hundred percent rely on to guide me through this rough world.

Blessings and mucho amore!
_\m/
K

Leaving the nest...

So, I've moved.
I mean, really moved out of home...

It certainly is different than what I've thought I would experience. I thought I'd be terribly sad and all that, but no. Yes, I miss home, of course. But... I feel quite good, I feel like I'm actually going to learn something from this. It's right time.

I apologize to all the people who I have not told before, it was kind of a lengthy thinking and praying, it wasn't until recently I decided to go ahead and move at this time. Lots of people found out the day I was leaving. I feel terrible for not letting them know that I was thinking about it. I know for sure I told a quite bunch of people that I was thinking of moving, but... guess that gossip didn't work this time, LOL! Ah, well.... Of course I will be making as much trips back home as I can before I move over to the East.

Well... Since I'm here, I'm looking for a job to keep myself busy, since it can get boring sitting at the computer all day looking for a job.. LOL

This summer is going to be one different summer than I've ever had... And I do look forward to it. =)

Okay, it's getting late.. I better get going. I got to get up early and... go back at the computer and sit and look for jobs... *whew*

Thank the Lord for making sure I got here safely, and I know He WILL provide a job as I need it. Alleluia!

_\m/
K

Scars of the Past

There are white lines on my arms, signifying a rough past that I’ve afflicted upon myself. There is nothing I can do to take the scars away. They cling onto my arms, like leeches. However hard I try to brush them away, they will never leave.

Sound: Waves of words of the past comes to haunt me. I swat at them like annoying flies. The beast that is dead within me scratches underneath the skin, giving it the sound of a swarm of bugs trying to break out. It sounds like sighing after a good and hard cry. Now that the bugs have broken out, there will be no more bugs underneath.

Smell: It smells like old dried blood stuck in a rag, forgotten and unwashable. Old rotten life stuck on my back. The scent of this corpse falls behind me, clinging to every blade of grass, trying to quench life wherever it goes.

Taste: My mouth was once filled with bitterness of hate, rejection and loneliness, flashbacks to the past bursts in my mind every time I taste them. Tears fall into my mouth, salty and sweaty. Fresh air that rolls over my tongue brings a breath of oldness, rid of bitterness.

Sight: These lines were once beaded with deep red, which eventually builds up and let a drop fall at a time. Now the lines are white, washed clean with blood. They are there to show to all, but yet hidden.

Touch/Feel: Anger, resentment and sorrow ravages me from time to time. It is only but my past. Throwing away the savage beast within me, I feel accepted, despite the ugliness that is present. My heart was once torn apart, shredded to parts, but now is complete, like it was never shred before. There is no touch less tender than having a second chance at life.

I know it is all behind me, keeping my eyes forward, remembering that I was given a second chance. There is nothing I will want to take the scars away. They are reminders to me. I gladly share the scars with Jesus. These arms were ravaged by sin, but washed clean by His blood.

As Sweet As Roses, But Doesn't Smell Like Cinnamon

I wrote something in an attempt for an assignment, but it ended up being something else than I wanted for the assignment. I decided to do something else, and I knew I had to share this. Hope you all enjoy it.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Sweet as Roses, But Doesn't Smell Like Cinnamon

When you are with the one you’ve fallen in love with, you can’t help but to feel like you are on cloud 9. You get excited to see him, and when you don’t get to see him for a little while, you miss him terribly.

First you see lights sparkle all around your eyes, around the one you’re falling in love with. You take in his features, his smile, and the sparkle in his eyes when he looks at you. Your heart skips a beat.

Then you are overwhelmed with scent of him, which smells like a man who is head over heel, madly in love with you. You let that smell waver over your sight of him. You cling onto that scent, wanting it to linger around your nose just a little longer.

You cannot help but want to kiss him, his lips inviting you into his soul. You resist, but you know you will eventually fall and give into it and tasting him, tasting the experience of falling in love over and over, which washes anew over you every day.

He is your best friend, you hear him better every day. To hear his genuine laugh puts a flutter in your heart, knowing that you make him happy. His words give you the sound of his soul.

His hand on your back which protects you constantly gives you a sense of security. His hugs feel comforting and you know you can just relax and let go as he holds you.

You are comfortable with the one you’ve fallen in love with. You know you will be seeing him again soon enough. Though “soon enough” couldn’t have come faster, you do wish it does. You are still excited to be the one he loves. You know that you are the one he wants to be with always.